Home Sweet Home

Kindred spirit - someone who feels and thinks the way you do. Popularised by Anne of Green Gables.

"The meal is so dry. I can't possibly finish my rice like this," she said.

The words sounded like music to my ears. In all my years of eating with friends, I have not come across many people who eat the way I do.

We both looked at our plates balefully. It was heaped with white rice, a few strands of vegetables and some portions from the yam basket. There was an acute lack of gravy. To us, it looked rather an impossible task to finish.

Then we started passionately exchanging stories of how we endured dry meal after dry meal with rice sans gravy. We were passionate because we discovered that it's a subject that's very close to our hearts.

"Some meals come with soup. But it's not the same as gravy, you know."

"I so know what you mean! I can't imagine soaking my rice in soup. Soup is soup and must only be consumed on it's own - in a bowl. Nothing like lots and lots of gravy swimming in your rice."

"And I feel so bad if I scoop all the gravy that are contained in certain dishes. Like I'm robbing the others from their share of gravy."

"I feel exactly the same! Long live dishes that come with oodles of gravy!"

"Yeah!!!"

Then we looked around our dinner table. The next dish had arrived. Gravy-laden, thankfully. My sister and I exchanged grins as we proceed to pour generous helpings of gravy onto our plates. Ah, now we can finally truly enjoy our meal.

Growing up, I used to think that we are so very different in many ways. In order not to get lost or mixed up with the other siblings, there was a constant and subconscious desire to individuate.

But now, I'm starting to realise that I do have a kindred spirit in her. And it's a strangely welcoming thought. For with it, comes the unique kind of comfort and the joy of familiarity that only siblings share. It just can't be helped. We were brought up by the same folks after all. I can only marvel that it took me so long to see it.

Wah.

"Which is more important this Saturday morning, running your errands, go for that free Chinese class or fixing your car air cond problem? Choose!"

That was the ultimatum issued by dad.

This was my last 'free' Saturday before Elijah House Basic School starts for the next few weekends. It was already jam-packed with things to do and my car air conditioning system had to start spewing hot Malaysian air the day before.

Of course fixing the car was paramount. I would positively wilt and get drenched in sweat if I drive around without a functioning air condition. But I was hoping that I could still do all that I have planned for AND still get the car fixed.

Compared to my mom, dad's pretty unsympathetic towards my woes and such. I think he still hasn't gotten it that I like to think out loud. Thus whatever I say when mulling over some problem in mind isn't probably going to be carved in stone. So most of the time, whenever I can in his presence, I would try my best to process things in my mind silently and only say things that I know he won't get alarmed over.

You know and I know that it's not the best way to build a close relationship. And that has been my heart's desire like forever - to have more than just a friendly, general and surface-level encounters with my dad. I wanted to allow him to see me as I am and opening my life to him.

So after a year or so of peace in our relationship, this self-imposed censorship has relaxed somewhat. I felt safer to talk with him somehow. And I found myself sharing more details to him than I normally would. Yes, it did alarm him. Yes, I was annoyed when that happened. The details which I tried to smooth over and not share so much for fear that he will react badly, he managed to dig out from me. It's difficult to fool dad, believe me. That alarmed me and got him annoyed.

But as difficult as the conversation was, we managed to come up with a resolution and compromise in the end. I decided to skip the free Chinese class. Dad offered to run my errand for me next week so that I don't have to take leave on a weekday or ditch next Saturday morning plans. And this will free up the time for the both of us to bring my car to the mechanic.

Wow. I was amazed at the outcome of the whole thing. That both of us met each other halfway and did not miss the proferred olive branches. Praise God for my Elijah House friends who have uphold me in prayer all these while for a better relationship with my dad. Because of the emotional healing I've received, the words that dad uttered did not trigger the old sore spots which made me react badly to him in the past.

My joy was complete when dad and I had breakfast together this Saturday morning before we went out. He casually mentioned, "There's this Chinese language center near the old Ocean shopping mall. You may want to check it out plus it's nearer compared to the free trial class you wanted to go."

Wow a second time. After the brush off about my activities being of less import than the maintenance of my car, he actually cared about me sacrificing the free class. He was actually trying to make amends. Oh, what a sweet offering it is!

"Well, I'm not sure if they are any good. That's why the free trial class offer at the other place was so appealing. At least I can see if they are able to help me before deciding to sign up," I replied, equally casual.

It made sense to him and he nodded. And we proceeded to have a nice breakfast table chat.

And when the exhausting day ended, I thanked him heartily for accompanying me and my poor car to the mechanic and making sure that everything's truly fixed and dandy. Saying thank you to my dad's face is not something that comes naturally to me. But I make myself verbalise it everyday when he shows his love through consistent acts of service. I was blind to them before it the past but now, I want him to know that I appreciate him for his love, concern and care for me.

The warm and happy look that crept upon his face after I said thank you was all the "You're welcome" that I need.