Entries by Coolcat

A sweet famous singer friend of mine called me up and she asked me, "So, been anywhere exotic lately?"

"I dunno. Does Kuching sound exotic to you?"

"Yes, it does! You went there recently?"

"Yeah, I went for the Rainforest World Music Festival."

"Oh man... I've always wanted to go there!!! Ariel, let's swap jobs."

"Are you sure you want to swap your glamorous job as a singer to be a writer?" I was gobsmacked.

Not that I have anything against being a famous celebrity but I think I'd be a lousy candidate to sing on stage. My nightmare would be to open my mouth in front of thousands of people to find that nothing comes out.

No lar. I think swapping jobs with my lovely friend would be a bad idea - for me, at least. Sorry, dearie. You'll just have to continue your blossoming singing career and leave me with my pens (and notebooks).

It's my fourth day in Kuching and third day at Rainforest World Music Festival. It's been such an enriching experience thus far. Mingling with the performers - these World Music musicians are so down-to-earth, friendly and approachable! It's such a joy to be able to learn about their music and culture - especially from performers of faraway lands and nations that I've only heard of but never seen. The stories of their struggles in trying to bring some peace, love and unity through the universal language of music in the midst of political and social striving in their countries truly touched my heart. It made me feel grateful for the relatively peaceful country that I live in - ridiculous and dramatic though some of the political circus can be.

You would never hear a Malaysian musician say, "I just want to tell the people to stop fighting and killing each other through my music." But a Palestinian would. Worse, the Palestinian would be detained at the airport and not allowed to proceed to certain countries due to paranoia that he is a terrorist in disguise.

Being in this place where about 37 nationalities congregate for the love of music just brings this world issues a little closer to home. When you encounter people who just want to spread a message of hope and joy in the midst of turmoil in the world that they come from, it changes you somehow. It expands your mind and horizons to break the walls of the small cocoon of the world that you once lived.

You begin to see the many common and spiritual grounds that you share with say, a hunky singer from Trinidad & Tobago, even though your geography was so bad you didn't know where it was located. You begin to build bridges of solidarity with a Punjabi lady with a Kelabit name because you share the same passion that roots and culture should be preserved and carried on from one generation to the next.

I know I'm changed but as to what extent, I have yet to find out. But I sense that the journey to that next level of growth, whatever it is, is just beginning.

More and more people I know and love are considering migrating to Aussieland. Why? Why? Why?

No other place to go meh?

I've already 'lost' many a good friend to that mammoth land. Call me The Immovable Rock of Gibraltar but I don't see why one should uproot themselves from all that they know and love to replant themselves in another country. Unless of course they are specifically told by God to do so. Like Jonah who tried to run the opposite way but was swallowed and subsequently vomited to the land God wanted him to go. But that's besides the point.

The point is that Aussie is one big wolfish land that has been pulling the people I love away from me.

So when I came across this gem of a page today, I couldn't help giggling with evil glee. Folks, presenting to you the very funny Microsoft Windaz 2007.

“Your face looks rosy, dear. Very healthy. How nice to be working outdoors most of the time!” my mom commented with an indulgent smile.

Aaah, my dear mom. No doubt she worries every time I travel to an off-the-beaten track kind of place. But whatever makes me happy makes her happy. And my dad and mom’s constant moral and tangible support means a lot to me. Thank God for them.

The thing was... the last time someone commented on the state of my complexion, it wasn’t flattering. In fact, it went something like this, “Are you feeling ok? You look pale, like you are going to fall sick or something.”

That comment was said just a few hours prior to my mom’s comment. And in between, the closest thing to exercise I did was to trawl a little in a shopping mall.

Two polar opposite statements by two reliable sources. One rosy and one pale. How could this be?

Then I glanced at the empty mug on my hand. A few minutes ago it contained a heavenly mixture of milk and Bailey’s Irish Cream. Long-time readers would know how my face goes aflame when I down just a teensy bit of alcohol.

Thus, the mystery behind my red face was solved. And mom wants to try some of that one day. I can’t wait to corrupt my mother. Haha.

"When she wants something from me, she bugs me endlessly until I get it done for her. But when it's my turn to ask for a favour, she conveniently forgets. It makes me feel so sad lar," a friend said.

"Yalar, my sister is also like that. I gave up trying to ask any help from her already. I'm so disappointed!" another friend said.

I feel for my friends, I really do. It's only fair to expect to give as good as you will eventually get. A person who keeps taking and never gives nor contributes anything in return doesn't sound like a good friend.

But where do you draw the line? Is friendship actually a barter-trade in disguise?

"I wished she'd stop calling me on the phone at odd times of the day, especially when I'm out having a meal with others," said yet another friend. But she can't tell that friend to stop calling her so incessantly nor ignore her incoming calls because this happens to be someone she needs favours and support from time to time.

Call it friendship management, if you will but I'm not buying that. I believe while every friendship is unique and precious in its own way, you still need to set your own boundaries. It's better to tell someone who matters to you what you can or can't commit to rather than to go along with it and resent that friend and let it come out in unhealthy ways later on. And if she is indeed a good friend, she may not like your boundaries, but she will definitely respect it.

Of course, being non-confrontational by nature, there were many times when I let things that hurt or irritate me slide or pass me by. Sometimes it was for good to let things go - I probably misread that person's intentions and it wasn't such a big a deal anyway. Or I don't plan to make that person a permanent fixture in my life, so I don't bother telling that person that her behavior was hurtful to me.

But for friends who count and whom I've kept silent on their behaviour, I wasn't doing them nor the friendship justice. The problem was finding the right time and the words to say it.

And then there's the self-check questions such as "Am I pulling my weight in the friendship?" "Am I expecting too much from my friend or vice versa?" It sure ain't easy to be a good friend.

And after all these years, I'm still learning.