Wednesday, January 25. 2006

Fallouts

Jane has a fallout with a boy. She regularly asks a mutual friend to find out what's going on in his life.

Joan has a fallout with her daddy. She communicates with him solely through her mom these days.

Jean has a fallout with a dear old friend, Joyce. She tells a mutual old friend not to share any updates of her to Joyce.

Obviously, relationships are such fragile things and fallouts happen too often for comfort. I hate it when it happens. At the same time, I think fallouts are a necessary evil.

When the relationship is too painful to sustain. When both parties hurt each other more when they speak to each other than when they are silent. When one party just can't trust the other again. When both parties are just too tired to have another fight and go through the same vicious cycle again.

I'd like to even think that fallouts are probably just time-outs in disguise. A period where both or one parties can recuperate from the wounds inflicted upon each other before the relationship can be healed and reconciled.

Sometimes, a fallout serves to strengthen the relationship. That's where the adage where friends are not true friends until they have their first fight came about. But sometimes, even though reconciliation happens, the relationship is never quite the same again. That distance, that wedge is always there, at the back of one's mind. Especially when fallouts are a frequent and habitual feature of that relationship. It's like living with a perennial time bomb. You never know when the next fallout is going to occur.

With Chinese New Year reunion dinners and such coming around the corner, it is my fervent hope to have a particular fallout in my life healed. I have to be honest and say that I'm petrified of what will happen when I grab the opportunity to proffer an olive branch to that loved one of mine. At the same time, I'm tired of going through that same old cycle.

I guess this is what Jesus meant when He says to forgive each other 70 x 7 times. He knows it ain't an easy task. But God shall give grace when the burdens grow greater. And to multiplied trials, He multiplies peace. I trust that He will give me the strength to do the right thing.
Posted by coolcat in Thoughts at Permalink | Comments (8) | Trackbacks (0)
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*Best post of yours. Everything here is true. But sometimes, a fallout is not a time-out in disguise. But that you need out. And when that happens, it is just the saddest thing.

Yes, sometimes what stops us from proffering the olive branch or accepting the proferred branch is the knowledge that you'll go through the same old cycle again. Walking on eggshells to preserve the peace is sometimes just too painful.

I hope your reconcilliation will go well.
#1 Anonymous on 2006-01-25 06:06 (Reply)
*And I hope all will go well with yours, Jane. When the time is right. Hugs
#2 coolcat (Homepage) on 2006-01-25 06:09 (Reply)
*Fallouts are necessary because it weeds out aquaintances from true friends. It may be painful, but hey, who said life is a bed of roses?
#3 Anonymous on 2006-01-25 06:36 (Reply)
*i had a fallout fresh from the oven last nite..trying to reconcile and heal the heart, my very good fren told me:
relationships may never last forever, but frienships can..because in a relationship u always expect something in return, but friends should never expect anything in return..

Is this what you guys out there feel/think?
#4 Anonymous on 2006-01-25 14:12 (Reply)
*too much of this can be a cause of falling out. From Paolo Coelho's Warrior of Light online : The wanderer was walking with two of his friends through the streets of New York. Suddenly, in the midst of a casual conversation, the other two began to argue, almost attacking each other. Later -- when things had calmed down -- they were sitting in a bar. One of them apologized to the other. "I've noticed that it's very easy to be hurtful to those you know," he said. "If you were a stranger, I would have controlled myself much more. But because we are friends -- and you know me better than anyone does -- I wound up being much more aggressive. That's human nature." Maybe it is human nature. But we should fight against it.
#5 twinnie on 2006-01-25 06:14 (Reply)
*huggies I know that when you honour God by doing this thing, even though it's so hard, God will honour you, dearie. He'll also give you the strength & the words to say. All the best :-)
#6 irene (Homepage) on 2006-01-25 18:37 (Reply)
*Deep and profound thots, all. Fodder for a blog post perhaps ;-)

Irene: Thanks huggies
#7 coolcat (Homepage) on 2006-01-25 22:46 (Reply)
*Not quite true - all relationships requires effort to make it work, friendships included. But I think, we are more accepting in friendships than relationships which is why the latter usually last. All a friendship requires to sustain is mutual respect of each others' time and effort put into the relationship, especially when each party did not "need" to do it. But yeah, the saying of "lovers come and go, but friends stay" IS true.
#8 twinnie on 2006-01-25 22:21 (Reply)

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