Dating Behavior Checklist

My friends and I made an interesting observation yesterday when we were out having dinner. We wondered if anyone would ever mistake us as going on a group date or something. So we looked around the people dining around us - two guys having a quiet dinner together included - and came up with this checklist.

People on their first few dates would generally exhibit the following symptoms:

1. Putting on their best behavior - This means that they generally keep their voices down, sit in a demure manner, laugh discreetly at jokes and do not prod their date or slap them on their shoulders repeatedly. And they probably would engage in some intelligently stimulating conversation.
   
   How we rate: 0 out of 5. Not only did we not do any of the above, tears were flowing freely amongst us as we cackled and laughed over almost every single sentence. It was like anyone of us could have beaten Jerry Seinfeld hands down. We talked nothing remotely intelligent that night - didn't discuss no literature and no politics. Hmmm, whatever did we talk about? Uh, nope, we did not have alcohol either.



2. Body language - Lovebirds normally are contented looking deeply into each other's eyes. There's normally a soft smile on their lips as they drink in every word, every gesture and every laugh of their beloved. They are completely zoned out to the rest of the world. As far as they are concerned, in that moment, they are the world.
   
   How we rate: 4 out of 5. Ok lar, here's probably where we scored the most points. We did look at each others faces and there were huge grins on our faces every time we do that. But we are practical folks, too. We realise that we can't just live on love and air. We also need food. Glorious food. Which brings us to the next point...



3. Eating fuss-free and stink-free food - Food is normally the last thing on their minds. People on a hot date usually order finger food like chicken nuggets, calamari rings, etc. Must look decent when they eat mah. Also, fuss-free food will not detract their attention too much from their date. And they never, ever eat food that will mess up their breath like garlic and onions for obvious reasons.
   
   How we rate: -1 out of 5. We had real messy appetizers - chicken wings cooked in garlicky sauce. We had onion rings as part of the main course. And worse, we had the messiest and most delicious chocolate mud cake ever for dessert (refer to pic below).



4. Eat like birds - Dating people normally pick on their food. Attention is totally reverted to their date. Heck, they could be eating sawdust for all they care. Also, referring to the first point of this checklist, it's probably part of the package in putting on their best behavior. The last thing they want is to be seen as a glutton, no?
   
   How we rate: 0 out of 5. We looked at our platters and laughed out loud. They were squeaky clean. We finished every single morsel of food.

Total score: 3 out of 20. Nah, no one would ever mistake us for lesbos. And just for the record, me and my gal pals are all straight.

This is how a choc mud pie should be eaten - with a stab.
Guess the Age of the Mud Pie Attacker contest has begun! Free dinner to the winner. Submit your guesses at the Comments section, tq!