If I Didn't Get It

After the second audition, when Chris assured us ladies that no matter what, we two will still get a role to play, I felt relieved. Relieved that no matter what, I'll still have a chance to act.

But... what if I didn't get any of the roles?

I recalled going for the auditions for the Phantom of the Chinese Opera a few years ago. I gave my heart and soul into it. Heh, maybe a bit too much for I think I over-acted Not surprisingly, I received a nice rejection mail a few days later. I experienced mixed reactions - first of disappointment and then, acceptance. I always believe that if things are meant to be, then it will happen, without me trying to orchestrate or manipulate things to get what I want. I've given my best shot in the audition and that's what matters.

So, I soon got over it lah. Maybe God has other plans for me leh

He did.

A few days later, I received an interesting mail. They have a small female role available, would I be interested to do it? Two to three lines only and a demon role some more. Aiya, can lah - I said yes immediately. Little did I know that the role, small as it was, was not easy to do. I had to subject my hair to heavy abuse - being backcombed to look like a really frizzy ghost. It was heart-breaking to see my nice hair being beaten and frayed at every full-dress rehearsal. That was a real challenge to me, to keep still and hold my tongue while the make-up artist did her job. And to remind myself the real reason behind why I'm putting myself through this.

And oh, that thick, dark and macabre make-up. For a role that took less than 2 minutes on stage, they spent a couple of hours just on my garish make-up alone.

Like I said, it was not easy and I learned a few humbling lessons through it all. I also got to know more nice people in church through this ministry. Most importantly, I felt a sense of belonging in the church as a whole.

Small role, big lessons.

But what if I did not get those roles in the first place?

Yes, I'll be sad and disappointed, for a moment. But if it's something that God doesn't want me to be involved in, then I trust that He has better things in line for me. He is the source of all good things. I realise that the danger in enjoying all these stage popularity too much is to be dependent upon them and having my happiness hinge upon them.

And that will be a miserable state to be in.

This has worked for me thus far - to have a light touch on things and to be content with what God has given me. It's not easy to do and I have to consciously will myself to practice this many times. But with God, all things are possible.