Favourites

Everyone has a favourite something.

A favourite song, book, place, person... child.

"Mummy, I know you love Ah Boy more," a little girl would tearfully say and her good mother, with good intentions would rush to say, "No, no! Absolutely not! I love all my children the same."

Yeah, right.

What about the time when that girl was asked to give up her favourite lolly because Ah Boy demanded it? Or when John had to bear the brunt of his little siblings' mischief just because he was the eldest? Or when one child gets to escape from doing housework while the rest have to do their bit around the house or else...

The truth is, EVERY parent has a favourite child regardless of their protests to the contrary (unless they have only one child to dote on). They couldn't help it - it's so very natural to communicate more with the child whose personality can gel with yours.

Some parents are the seasonal type, favouring a child for a few months until the child did something that is deemed to be bad or disobedient, and then shifting all attention to the next child. While this round-robin parenting style can be a traumatic experience to the children, it is fair in a way - everyone gets their share of coddling and "disciplining".

Being the third out of four children, and brought up in the traditional-mixed-with-seasonal-favouritism style, I got my share of attention and pampering when I was yet the youngest of the brood - until my bro came along 6 years later. Was I jealous when all the attention was gone? You bet!

But after a while, I just backed out of the whole LOA (lack of attention) phase and learned to be independent. Years later, mom told me that it was quite a painful time for her, feeling that she could not reach into the walls I have built around her and really get to know me. When I heard that, I was shocked. See, the reason I built those walls was because I thought they did not really care nor wanted to know me.

And that was the beginning of the healing in our relationship and today, I know my mom truly has no favourites between me and my bro. Of course, my eldest sis will say that mom favours the two youngest ones. This time, my mom did not deny it. She lovingly told my sis that she has the license to dote on us because we are still living with her. That certainly sounds fair and I must say, I do enjoy basking in all her warm TLC

So later on, if any of my children asks me whether I have any favourites, I will take that as a sign that I should get to know them better and communicate my love to them in their lingo. I may be able to click better with their sibling but that doesn't mean that I love them any less. May God grant me the wisdom to do so if and when the time comes.



Me, bro and sis