Tears for Fears

(a sort of continuation from Fare Thee Well)

When I got home that night, my eyes were red and puffy. My mom and bro commented that I looked tired but didn't probe further. I wasn't about to tell them that I had been crying.

I can just imagine my mom saying, "Hah? Why are you crying over a colleague? Aiya, it's just a small matter only, don't fret."

Heh, I'd probably say the exact same thing if my brother comes back and having red eyes over the last day of a colleague.

In my room, I read a few books that would help me put what I felt into words. Well, there were no writings on 'Comfort When A Colleague Leaves For Greener Pastures' but there were good encouragement notes by Selwyn Hughes on the topic of 'When A Friend Dies' or something like that. Close enough, I should think

As I poured out my feelings to the Lord, trying to understand the reason behind my sadness, I sensed that the root cause was that I was filled with fear and anxiety of the coming days now that Mike had left the company. No longer was he around to guide me, address issues that I might have overlooked nor bounce my ideas to. And I was fearful that with the onslaught of responsibilities that have come my way, I may not be able to cope with the demands.

Then, the Lord impressed upon my heart gently that He wants me to grow up on another level now and not to worry, for I can depend fully upon His wisdom and guidance. He will give me all that I need to carry out my responsibilities.

I felt like a load of bricks falling off my shoulders and later as I confided to my bro about my puffy eyes, he did not ridicule me but listened with patience and compassion. Isn't he the greatest bro ever?

The next day, I felt wonderful and the stressed feeling I had experienced all week had all but disappeared.

I'm just so grateful for the peace of God that sustains me.

Phew!