Coolcat's Jottings

Andrew Duncan's faithful dog who chose to mourn and die on his master's grave in 1931, Penang cemetery

Just got back from Penang. The day before I left for my recent long weekend break in Penang, I handed in my resignation letter. It wasn't a decision that was easy to make and it saddened my direct boss greatly but he understood why I had to leave. There we were in his room chatting at great length, being completely honest to each other. I entered the room vowing not to shed a tear. I have worked so long in the company, tasted the good, the sweet, the bitter and the bad. But I had shed nary a single tear in front of him. Professionals don't cry.

"So, I guess you have made up your mind to leave and pursue your dreams?" he queried. His voice was gentle and sad.

"Yeah," I said.

"Well, I just want you to know that you'll always have a place here. If you ever want to come back, just give me a ring."

That was when a tear slid down my cheek. And a great many more followed. It felt so good to hear that. That my sacrifices and contribution to the company did not go unnoticed. And somehow along the way, I gained his trust and friendship.

It's true that professionals don't cry. But humans do.

I hope to start in my new writing job in two months' time. Will keep you guys posted.

Happy New Year, all.

1. #1

Sometimes the decisions you make will break someone's heart.

And when that someone is a person that you respect, trust and have a deep affection for, it breaks your heart to see his heart broken.

Sigh.

2. #2

A good friend of mine has been ostracized by another group of close friends. For no good reason.

Why can't everyone get along??

Good relationships take more work than they look. A is having a tiff with B over some social etiquette issue. C is having a possible conflict with D over some miscommunication on their Christmas day plans.

And good ol' single me is having conflicts with no one. I have actually made peace with whomever I had a rift with prior to this and am going to celebrate Christmas with a clear and guilt-free heart. Yeah! But even if I don't, it's far easier to live with a rift with an acquaintance rather than tension with my sweetheart.

So I ask myself, is it really worth getting into a romance this Christmas in hopes of killing the lonely bug when anything can set it off and trigger reactions worse than Mentos in Coke? The slightest tiff will put your carefully laid plans on hold. And you'll probably be spending Christmas day stewing in anger... alone. Because all your friends already made their own plans and you had a plan until the tiff happened. And you realized too late that you should have made backup plans to avoid staring at the phone, willing it to ring.

Being part of a couple is no real guarantee against loneliness. As long as I have God's peace in my heart and make peace with loved ones around me, the loneliness bug won't have a chance to latch on me.

So, the next time some busy body asks me if I'm lonely this Christmas because I'm single and have no man to cuddle up to, I'll tell the person this:

"Relationships? Bah, humbug. Give me a good book instead."

Oh and blessed Christmas, everybody!

More often than not, we have our fair share of judgmental friends. If you can call them friends, that is. These are people who make you squirm and suppress every fleeting thought and emotions that you think they won't be able to accept.

They are the ones that shove what they think you should do with your life down your throat - unwarranted, unwanted and uncalled for advice that simply comes out of the blue. And when you patiently explain to them the reasons behind your actions or decision to wait, they don't get it or refuse to get it. It'll be good if they accept that they'll never come to an agreement but they respect your decision and leave it as that.

But more often than not, like a sore thumb, they come back to shove that thing down your throat again and again. Where do these people get off? Do they have memories like sieves that forget everything that has been discussed and explained?

It would seem like they do. And after a while, you just get so tired of explaining yourself that you don't bother doing so anymore. You come to realize that those folks probably mean well and are speaking from advice that works very well for them, and so now they are on a mission to impose that on others. Without bothering to discover the background and events surrounding each individual case.

Whatever their reasons are, you wish them well. And you learn to listen to what God has planted in your heart more, know what He has called you to be, and really, absolutely know who you are in His sight.

It takes all kinds of people to make up the world. Each are entitled to their own opinions. But when we are sure of who we really are, who God made us to be, the voices of those who can pull us down will start losing their power. Triumph comes when we can treat them with grace and dignity, even when that was not accorded to us. And that, is the gift of freedom to live as God intended us to live.

I was reading this book that I've read several times before. With each read, I learn something profound.

This time I learned what it means about not trusting God. When you do not trust someone, you constantly breathe over their shoulders to check on them. You are not sure if they will do what they are expected to do - be it their jobs or their role as a faithful spouse or life partner.

So it is with God. When we commit something to Him in prayer and still worry about it, it shows our lack of trust in Him. For me, I have absolutely no doubts to His abilities. God is a great God, capable of moving the highest mountains and calming the stormiest of seas. My trust problem lies in whether or not God cares enough to do anything about it.

I do sometimes ask God if He has forgotten where I live. Did the opportunity that was supposed to arrive somehow got lost in the traffic?

But reading that book reminded me that a life that lacks trust in my Maker is not a life that is good to live. What kind of life is it when I have to constantly battle with anxiety, perennial worries that I may have missed out on something good and resentment that all the good things have gone to other more aggressive creatures and I am left with unappealing leftovers?

Today, I went out with two lovely friends to Aeon, Bukit Tinggi, Klang for some shopping and eating.

"I must make a stop at Big Apple Donuts," I told my friends solemnly. "I need to get just one Whit Nut donut."

With all the eating and shopping, I only managed to make my way to my favorite donut shop five minutes before their closing time. By then, they had stopped baking and were just clearing out the last of their donuts. But I spotted a single white donut with chocolate etchings on it gleaming from afar.

"Miss, I'm afraid we only have one Whit Nut donut available and some plain ones," the cashier said apologetically.

I blinked in amazement. Of all the variety of flavors available, the one flavor I truly wanted remained. I gave him a huge grin and nodded. "That's perfectly alright! Give me that one Whit Nut donut please."

And not a minute too soon, for just behind me came a family who ordered every single one of the remaining donuts.

I held my precious donut and walked out with a renewed sense of wonderment and trust that God will provide what I need when I need it.