Coolcat's Jottings

Quite a number of people have asked me of what I think about reading the Harry Potter books. They were all Christians or people who have heard sermons where the pastor spoke against reading the books or watching movies. One pastor even raised the call to burn those books.

I can understand his zeal in not wanting his church congregation to learn the ways of witchcraft practiced at Hogwarts and by Voldemort. But honestly, to forbid the church members to read the book will make the book even more tantalising. Forbidden fruits taste sweeter after all.

I tried reading the first book of the series but found it quite boring. In fact, quite a few other friends found that it to be nothing fantastic. But they decided to join in with the crowds in the mad rush to get their hands on Harry Potter 7 anyway. Some did it because they simply must have the complete set of the series. Others did it out of sheer kiasu-ism to be the first to read that book - yeah, who says only Singaporeans can be kiasu? Malaysia also boleh!

And still some others wanted to get hold of all the books AFTER hearing what that preacher said. I have to hand it to JK Rowling. She has great marketeers promoting the books for her seven years running. Even the preachers are unknowingly marketing it for her. Negative publicity is better than no publicity. Perhaps even better than positive publicity.

The danger of reading books like Harry Potter is that it promotes magical thinking. People can be influenced to think that if they could say a few magic words or wish really, really hard then everything will be ok. Their problems will vanish into a puff of smoke. The thing is, real life doesn't work that way. There are no quick fixes, no short cuts and certainly, no magic wands to defeat the giants and the Lord Voldemorts in our lives.

And as for witchcraft, its tantacles can even be found in some churches, homes and places of work. For the spirit behind witchcraft is manipulation and control. Harry Potter is the poster child of the art of sorcery and witchcraft because he is so famous. And it's true that kids probably now think it cool to wear black wizard garments and broomsticks are all the rage.

In my opinion, forbidding people to read books would only want to make them read them even more. But what the church could do is to educate their congregation about the dangers of taking short cuts and quick fixes in their lives. Expose the real truth behind witchcraft for what it is - and that it's not just a group of reedy frizzy haired ladies flying about on broomsticks. That it is more subtle and prevalent than we realise.

You can choose to hide your head under a pillow but the fact is that Harry Potter is the biggest hype in town for now. It can be a great conversation starter that can lead to deeper and more meaningful discussions.

And yes, I've read the spoilers and I know the ending already

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Our Desserts Bar will be opening soon. Here are some teasers. Enjoy!

Strawberry crepe

Sago pudding

My personal favourite - the ever refreshing Orange Granita

So you think just because I'm small, you can yank me around? Think again.

It's easy to spot a bully. They are the ones that like to utter the following statements.

• "I think he is too soft and needs to be toughened up."
  
  Hello, newsflash: You are not toughening people up, you are damaging them. Emotional trauma and taunts can take years to heal. Being a recipient of verbal abuse myself and counseling others who come from similar backgrounds, I see the devastating damages of stinging words all too clearly. God created the world with words.
  
  He said, "Let there be light." And there was light.
  
  Similarly, we create worlds of our own with our spoken words. We can either contribute positively into someone's world by life-giving and encouraging words or make their world a living nightmare with a careless word or two that bruises their spirits.


• "Aiya, you are too sensitive lar! If I can take it, so can you."
  
  You think that just because you can take brash comments, other people would be able to take it, too. But think again. I heard of this bully who taunts his girlfriend's friends and parents and when she does the same to his, he found that he actually did not like it one bit. That's double standards in action.


• "I was just joking! You don't have a sense of humor ah?"
  
  This is a favourite cop-out amongst bullies. Once confronted and backed into a corner, they will pull this line to pin the blame back on your 'lack of humor'.


• "How can you like this thing, man? It's rubbish!"
  
  They make you feel silly or stupid for liking things that they deem to be uncool. Never mind if they have crappy tastes or not, to them, everyone who chooses things contrary to their preconceived mindsets deserves to be put down.

It's sad that there are so many bullies lurking around, thinking that they are doing the public a service, not realising that their brash comments are wounding others so needlessly. But when we have identified one or more such persons in our lives, we need to:

• Remind ourselves not to take their words seriously. Most of them do not really mean anything by their careless words. They are just talking crap for the sake of saying something.


• Learn to look beyond their words and hurtful attitudes to see their hearts. To do this, we need a lot of grace from God.


• If you do not have the emotional resources to face them because you are too battered or tired, then try to avoid encounters with them until such a time when you are ready to deal with them again.


• When you are ready, tell them the boundaries that you have set - what they can do and cannot do. And when they try to bulldoze their way through, call them on it firmly and seriously.

And to the bullies, I want to end with this statement - There are so many words in the dictionary to choose from. So many better and positive ways to say something. Why must you choose the most hurtful words ever in the name of fun? Now that's just being mean.

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Let me begin the story by saying that I wasn't born a doughnut person. I particularly dislike the looks of a typical doughnut. That hole in the middle is a big rip-off, if you ask me. The same principle applies to Polo Mints. Fill up those holes, please. Why on earth would people buy something that looks incomplete was a bafflement to me.

But ever since I tasted a to-die-for dark chocolate doughnut from Big Apple, The Curve - I immediately became a doughnut fan. I spotted the sinful-looking peanut butter one nestled cosily in the display counter and vowed that I will get my hands on that white-coated peanut butter doughnut one day. I got my chance yesterday when my colleagues and I lunched at The Curve. I got these doughtnuts like a shot after lunch hoping to pop them into my mouth during tea time. Unfortunately, due to a long meeting, I didn't have an opportunity to pig out. So I brought them home, intending to consume them as desserts.


However, the doughnuts were destined to live through the night. I reached home rather late, gobbled my dinner and before rushing out again for an appointment. When I came home for the night, I gazed at my doughnuts lovingly. "Just you wait, my pretties. I'll have you both for breakfast!" They were the last things I remembered - a brown and white orb floating about as I shut my eyes.



Morning soon came and I leaped out of bed in anticipation of a yummy start to the day. But once again, the doughnuts were meant to exist throughout the morning. A nice colleague had bought us all nasi lemak for breakfast.

This time, I looked at doughnuts forlornly. Aaaaarrgggh, why can't I have my doughnuts and EAT them, too?? I was worried that come tea time, there'll be some other distraction that will block my goal from consuming my long-awaited-for delicacies.

Finally, finally, finally... by the time tea break arrived, my doughnuts were safely tucked in my tummy. And they were delicious to the last bite. Even if it was one day later. The Witnut doughnut (peanut butter white one) did not disappoint. There was a lot of peanut butter tucked inside the dough and the dough itself tasted awesome.

Were they worth the wait? You bet.

A few days ago three Aussie grads were hanging out and someone asked, "Why are men so susceptible to having affairs?"

"They can't help themselves - it's in their genes," said someone else cheekily.

"Well, more and more women are having affairs these days. It's no longer a gender-specific thing," I said.

And lo and behold the news today confirmed my tried and tested theory:

Malaysian women are increasingly refusing to take being cheated lying down.

Their mode of retaliation? By starting their own affairs. If that's not considered 'lying down' for a licentious reason, I don't know what is.

Yes, having another man appreciate you when your own husband doesn't give a fig is so welcoming to a parched soul. But you know and I know that this is not the answer to your husband's infidelity. Stooping down to his level and throwing your self-respect and dignity away will just make a bad matter worse.

I used to think that infidelity is the one thing that I can never forgive my spouse for. Other 'sins' pale in comparison to that one thing. The breach of trust is too impossible to rebuild. I did not think that any guy is worth that effort.

Until one fine day, I discovered that given the right (or wrong) circumstances and ingredients, I'm just as susceptible as any man to be torn between two sweethearts. A major communication breakdown with my then-rightful partner who was showing some interest in someone else, a third party who was quick to step in and fill up the gaps and voila, the result was a very confused girl.

It suddenly hit me that I was in the very same situation that I thought I never would be. The very situation that I thought normal, upright people would be clever to extricate themselves out from. How could I find myself being in love with two men? That's just... so appalling!

It turned out that both men were not right for me and by God's grace, that messy situation ended not too long after that. But it taught me a few things. Of how fallible all of us are - especially myself. And how at my most vulnerable moments, I cheated on my then-boyfriend emotionally. The concept of grace took on a new meaning for me. And I realised that no sin - yes, not even infidelity - is unforgiveable. Because if it is, then I might as well be condemned forever with no hope of ever experiencing the freedom and restoration that comes after repentance.

You cannot fight sin with sin. It does nobody any good. All the parties involved in my story got hurt and relationships were severed with no hope of reconciliation. It's ugly. No one wins, everybody loses.

And while no guy may be worth all that effort, the marriage and all that it represents is. Your children are worth that effort. If your husband is willing to change and submit himself to counseling and trusted friends who can hold him accountable for his actions and plans for change - then it is worth it. It's not easy but it's a heck lot better than going down the road of infidelity yourself. I've had a tiny glimpse of it and boy, the view is not pretty.

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