Coolcat's Jottings

Last Friday must have been the worst day in my working history - relationally speaking, that is. To summarise the day, this is what happened:

• A colleague that I thought was mature, kept insisting on resurrecting a horrible experience at work which had nothing to do with her, but was very traumatic for me and misrepresented the current status of my company's management - in front of the new hires. She actually thought it was funny and that I should count that moment as a 'good' experience. Boy, that got me fuming.
  
• Another colleague who was close to me freaked out for some mysterious reason and avoided me like the plague for the last part of the afternoon, and ignored my messages asking her if there's anything wrong and if she wants to talk.
  
• I was thoroughly irritated by Alec who was just innocently asking for help in some work-related matter.
  

On the way to my cell group meeting after work that day, I thanked God that though my cell members were very young (they are mostly youths), they are mature and sensitive enough to not use the past traumatic incidences I shared with them against me or as a laughing matter. I thanked God that our cell group is a safe place to share our hearts, joys and sorrows knowing that we will still be loved and accepted.

Towards the end of the cell group meeting, I shared with them briefly about what happened and requested for prayer for reconciliation to those relationships and that God will give me more grace in relating to my colleagues, even the weird ones. Rina said God allowed those incidences to happen to see how I would respond to them and to mould me to be a better person.

Her comment made me realise that as I grow deeper into the area of inner healing and prayer counseling, I wouldn't be able to last long there if I don't have the love and grace of God in dealing with people when they are behaving in an unlovable manner. I could amass all the theories and know-how in what makes people tick but if I have not love, I am nothing but a resounding gong or clanging cymbal (1 Cor 13:1-3).

The black Friday experience was a humbling one. I realised that God has never intended for us to avoid people that we don't like or withdraw from people who don't like us. Whenever any of these happens, we need to examine our heart attitudes and see where we can change.

First thing in the morning today, I had a good talk with the colleague who avoided me on Friday. I suspected that something bad must have happened on Friday to make her behave so, and it was true. I smiled at the colleague who brought up that traumatic incident, and at Alec's comments this morning. I was conscious to smile and be gracious in my speech to those who asked for help today. And it's only the beginning of Monday. Still have quite a few more hours to go... heh.

It's just so easy to be curt and brief when you have a million things to do, but it doesn't make it right. So today, being the first day of the week and before the bulk of the work begins, my prayer is that I will be conscious of God throughout the week and be a channel of blessing to my colleagues - even when things are relationally chaotic.

Updates:It's night-time now and am very glad to report that everything's peachy now with all three colleagues. Even laughed at Alec's jokes which actually seemed funny to me now. Would wonders never cease.

This post was inspired by a question from Vagus.

How doth I admire the brainy Grissom? Let me count the ways...

1. He is not a perfect leader (who is, anyway?) but he gives his best shot to be a fair and good one.
   
2. He gives second chances to those under him even when they mess up.
   
3. People feel safe in confiding with him because he can help them, can keep a secret and doesn't judge them.
   
4. He doesn't jump into conclusions - he lets the evidence speak for itself
   
5. Last but not least, he may be the oldest in the team but he is still very hunky for his age! Kinda like George Clooney... with a superbly analytical and impartial brain.
   

Disclaimer: This has absolutely no relevance to the author's preference for her dream guy

This post looks outdated because it was written on 9th Sept 2004. Took a look at my drafts folder and felt it was the right time to post this today. Maybe because I just watched [url=http://www.collateral-themovie.com]Collateral[/url] yesterday


My chum Rina and me


I didn't know I was experiencing some symptoms of a disease that is quite the opposite of verbal diarrhea. That is, until I called Rina up a few nights ago to ask her come out to watch a movie with a guy friend.

Me: Hey, are you interested in watching that Tom Cruise movie?
She: I have no car leh.
Me: It's ok, I can fetch you wan.
She: Dunno lah... just don't feel like watching movies.
Me: Welll, you know what ah...
She: Aha! I knew it!!!
Me: What? What? What did I say??
She: There's something on your mind.
Me: But... but... how did you know?
She: I know you... When you say, "You know what?" it usually means there's something on your mind and you absolutely need to share it.

It was then that I realised that she was absolutely right. It's been months since we hung out with each other - just the two of us. There was so much to share with her that I suddenly felt that if we do not meet, my mind would literally explode.

"You know what?" I said again (naturally, because I do indeed have tons in my mind to share with her). "Let's meet up tonite."

"What about the movie and your friend?"

"We haven't confirmed anything yet. We'll all go some other time. Tom Cruise will always be there but it's rare for us to have a mutually free time together."

"Ok!" The way she said it sounded like she had tons to share with me, too. Absolute coolness!

So I ended up meeting with Rina instead. And had an absolute blast of a time compared to watching Tom Cruise being an assassin.

I mean, girl chums can be so much better than the best of guy/boy friends. I feel that no one can understand me as well as a girl can. Of course I don't mean every Thomasina, Delilah and Harriet can be a girl's best friend. She must be:

someone of the same wavelength

a safe person that you can be real with and vice versa

someone who would not judge you and whom you can just hang loose with

We chatted and chatted and chatted without any barriers.
We laughed and laughed and laughed.
We are amazed again and again at how very similar we are.
And we had a shock when we checked the watch - it was already waaaay past midnight.
On a weeknight.

Time sure flies when you are having fun.

We parted ways and feeling loads lighter at mind and heart. Boy, did it ever feel so good to unload to someone who totally understands you!

Whereas if I were to watch [url=http://www.collateral-themovie.com]Collateral[/url], I would have ended the night bemoaning the fact that Tom Cruise played a baddie's role, and played it so convincingly, too.

I guess what I wanted to say is, one good chum like Rina is worth 10 of cutey pie Tom Cruise's movies.

'Nuff said

The Angel who made my day last Friday called me excitedly yesterday afternoon.

She said she was out for lunch when she saw a lady sitting by herself in the coffeeshop. Angel asked her if she could have the vacant seat next to her, was warmly welcomed and the two began to chat about their children and families. The lady's husband came by later and upon hearing Angel referring to God a few times in the conversation asked her if she was a Christian.

"Oh, yes I am!" Angel said enthusiastically.

"Which church do you go to?" the man asked.

"DUMC."

"What a coincidence, my daughter goes there, too."

"What's her name?"

"Ariel the Coolcat."

The lady at the table and her husband were my parents! It took me a while for the fact to sink in and I was amazed. I still am.

Pure serendipity. That's what it is

when I needed help,
a miracle
and a word of affirmation
God sent His angels to
deliver that miracle
and tell me what I most needed to hear
when I needed to hear it.

I'm lost for words
I can only say
'Thank You, Lord
for knowing
for caring.'

I've had a load of things mulling in my mind recently. Among those things was one ministry that I have a passion for, am involved in but recently having some difficulties in carrying the load alone. Day in, day out, I plodded on with some despair lurking and growing at the back of my mind.

During the recent prophetic conference, some of the strangers who prophecied for me gave me the word 'Persevere'.

"Does it mean anything to you?" one of them asked.

"Yes, it does. Thanks..." I said. I sensed that the word was for this particular matter.

I didn't think about it since then. When I went to that spiritual retreat at Fraser's, I was led to write down my life goals and mission. It was very clear then which paths the Lord wants me to trod. I made some commitments up there to stick through those ministries even though the going will be tough.

It did get tough and I was losing heart and motivation by the day. A few days ago, I just cried out to the Lord for help. This has been my prayer for the past few weeks. I didn't know what else to say. And I can't think of anyone who can help me but God alone. Everyone else seems to have their own problems and load to carry. Heh, ever feel that way sometimes?

When I reached home that day, I got a call from someone unexpected. In that one call, she told me of some of the things she had done which benefitted my ministry greatly and said how it impacted her loved ones and told me that I was doing a great job. I felt a burst of joy in my heart. Boy, haven't felt that way in a loooong time. All these while, I thought I wasn't that good and wondering where this ministry is heading and is it actually doing any good to anyone. And the angel of God who called me had no idea that I was feeling this way. But she called just when I most needed to hear it.

Today, during a demonstration prayer counseling session for someone at the Elijah House class, the love and presence of God was so strong that I teared up a little.

I haven't been making a lot of effort to get close to God lately because of these issues mulling in my mind. But God's love has a way of getting to me somehow. And I'm humbled. There's just no escape from it.

That's God's love, I guess