Being The One Who Leaves

Today is my last day at work. I've been anticipating this day with mixed feelings. Joy because I'll be leaving the past behind and pursuing my dreams, and sadness because I'll be saying goodbye to people whom I've been seeing everyday - some even for the past 7 years. 7 years is a long time. And 7 years is also the perfect number, the number of completion in biblical terms.

Of course over the years, I did entertain the thought of leaving and pursuing my dreams, especially when things got stagnant or rough at work - something you'll be bound to find in any other places of work as well. But the door was always closed and God didn't give me the peace to leave, not even when I had other job offers. "It's not time yet," I sensed His gentle caution.

I'm glad I stayed on during those times, trying as they were - for they soon came to an end and paved the way for more growth and development for both the company and me. I got to take my love for photography to the next level and developed other skills to contribute to the company in addition to the one I'm trained in. I would never have entertained the thought of leaving had I not encountered a sharp setback. A wind of change. This time, I found that I actually didn't want to let go. I've stayed so long, the thought of leaving was simply petrifying. But the other option was equally frightening - if I stayed on, I'll die a little everyday.

"Where would I go? What would I do?" I questioned and felt hopeless and fearful.

This time, God gave me the assurance that He will be there for me. He will provide. "It's time for you to leave," was what I sensed. When I decided to trust Him and let go of this fear, even without knowing what lay ahead of me, I felt peace. And miraculously, the door to pursue a writing career is opened and my boss was sad but gave his blessings. It was truly beyond everything I could imagined. So, it's really by God's grace and provision that I came to this point where I can let go and move on. He opened the doors to the dreams that I have buried and long-forgotten. There was sweetness in the midst of adversity - something I personally think He specializes in

I also realize that there is a big difference in being the one who leaves and being the one who is left behind. Mostly, I've been in the latter category. I've said goodbye to colleagues and friends who left for different pastures. Now that I find myself in the first category, I must say that the pain level is different. I think it's sadder when you are left behind.

But still, when I hugged Madam Mona for a final goodbye today - my closest friend in the company whom I've known since Day 1 there, I nearly cried knowing that I'm also saying goodbye to a wealth of memories both bitter and sweet.