Wednesday, February 7. 2007Aussiefied
Fearful, suspicious and self-conscious people are everywhere. Well, more so in Asia than in Western countries. And they like to impose their fears upon you. A random example would be:
"Aiyo, you cannot simply say you miss the opposite sex or hug them lar! What if they fall in love with you??!" The thing is, while they may be very well likely to think that everyone who hugs them is actually desperately in romantic love with them, they can't assume that everyone else thinks the same. And so, the person who formerly feels free to hug friends now feels repressed and inhibited in expressing their appreciation to their platonic buddies. I was yakking with a few close buddies yesterday about how different the Aussies are from most Asians. In Aussieland, people don't care about what you do and they are not horrible busybodies and you are free to do what you want without judgement. Here in Malaysia, there are a lot of superstitions, suspicions and practices that are actually based on innocent and well-meaning motives are frowned-upon. "Hey CC, good to see you back. I missed you," a buddy said. "I missed you, too buddy," I replied heartily. "Wanna catch up over a meal?" "I wish I could but I have to be careful about having meals with sweet young things. You know lar, the gf won't like it," he said regretfully. I could only chew my lip in disappointment. Gone were the days where we could hang out for a quick bite and yak about anything and everything without worrying about making sure there were chaperones around so that it would not be mistaken for a date. I dunno but I feel that romantic relationships should have some sort of trust that allows each party to have healthy platonic friendships with the opposite sex. I also feel repressed by sizzling rumours that are bound to follow whenever I'm spotted/reported to be hanging out with a single guy friend by our busybody mutual friends. I never knew that a simple meal can mean so so much. Breakfast means that you are dating. Lunch means you are going steady. And a two-some dinner means that you are engaged to be married. Oh, for crying out loud. In Aussieland, no one gives a fart who you hang out with. Well, unless you are Kylie Minogue or something lar. "Aiyah, you should really think about getting your own man. Then you won't feel the loss of hanging out with your attached guy friends," an attached guy friend said in jest. "Yeah, if Mr. Very Suitable appears in the horizon and hounds me, I wouldn't get a restraining order for him," I said dreamily. "But love, like good friendships cannot be forced nor does it happen at will or often. Plus even if I'm married, I'd still want to keep in touch with my guy friends. It's rather sad to cut back on a really good friendship this way," was my sad reply. So it's fitting to get this appended article in my mailbox today. As much as I want to be totally free in expressing myself and in hanging out with my guy friends, single or not, if I'm hurting someone by my actions, then I should refrain from doing that - for the sake of the brother or sister who are offended by it. It's hard lar. It really is. Now I can understand why lotsa folks migrate to Aussieland. You can say that I'm errr... Aussiefied  ============= Number: 617 Verses: Romans 14:18-23 Topic: Stumbling One's Brother Date: 6th February 2007 Romans 14:18-23 MKJV For he who serves Christ in these things is well-pleasing to God, and approved by men. (19) So then let us pursue the things of peace, and the things for building up one another. (20) Do not undo the work of God for food. Truly, all things indeed are clean, but it is bad to the man eating because of a stumbling-block. (21) It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor anything by which your brother stumbles, or is offended, or is made weak. (22) Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Blessed is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. (23) But, the one doubting, if he eats, he has been condemned, because it is not of faith; and all that is not of faith is sin. 1. We are to serve Christ in 'these things' that is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. (17,18) 2. We are to pursue 'the things of peace' - harmony in the Christian community 3. We are to build each other up 4. We are not to 'undo the work of God for food' - that is use our freedom in Christ to upset another person's weaker faith 5. We are to restrain our liberty so as not to cause a brother to stumble, be spiritually offended, or made weak 6. We can still exercise our freedom to ourselves, before God. 7. If our faith and conscience is pure about what we approve then we are blessed 8.But if we find something to be doubtful-then don't do it. If it is not according to our faith and conscience then it is sin. Lets take some controversial examples: tithing, drinking alcohol and attending church on Sunday. Each of these is a 'strong matter of conscience' to some people and 'not a problem' to others. Arguments rage about the rights and wrongs of these issues. As we have seen earlier on in this chapter 'both sides are right' and should live in peace. If someone wants to attend church regularly each Sunday 'unto the Lord' that is fine, if someone things Saturday is better or any day at all and does so 'unto the Lord' that is fine too. Both sides should learn to get along! And if someone believes in being a teetotaler, that is good if they do so unto the Lord, and if someone drinks wine and praises God, that is also fine (as long as they do not get drunk), and if someone tithes exactly ten percent and gives diligently and faithfully unto the Lord they are blessed, and if another person gives 8% or 15% or whatever they feel moved to by the grace of God and do so unto the Lord, that is fine as well. Both sides are right-and the important thing is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, not the formula, not the exactly right religious practice! However-and it is a BIG however, we are automatically WRONG if we exercise our freedom in a way that stumbles our brother. If I were to drink around a teetotaler-then I could hurt that person and cause spiritual damage, around an alcoholic - I could even destroy them! This is wrong, plain wrong! I am never to exercise my freedom in a way that stumbles, offends or makes weak a brother! Yet that does not mean that I am at the mercy of every legalistic and hyper-sensitive individual. Just because someone is offended by the car I drive, or the clothes I wear, or by my Australian accent does not mean I have to change! We are free to be ourselves in the Lord. However when it really is a spiritual issue for that person we should compromise. Should Christian women wear mini-skirts? Is a brother stumbled by this? Surely he sees worse on TV or at the office? Yet it does not help! It adds to the burden of temptation, and is perhaps best avoided. Consideration means modesty-for both men and women. On issue after issue we have to balance our freedom with the spiritual effects of our actions. Mini-skirts, lottery tickets, Sabbaths, meat offered to idols, alcohol, tithing or grace giving, or even driving an SUV or Hybrid can be contentious issues. In the end we have to make up our own mind according to our own conscience. Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Blessed is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. And if we do decide that something is doubtful or off-limits then we should abide by that and not try to do things just for the sake of 'personal liberation': But, the one doubting, if he eats, he has been condemned, because it is not of faith; and all that is not of faith is sin. If you feel bad about not tithing-then you must tithe! If you feel guilty when you take a drink-then don't drink. If you feel something is wrong if you are not at church on Sunday-then you must go to church! You cannot violate your conscience but you can slowly reeducate it. The apostle Peter was very strict about what he would and would not eat until Jesus showed him a vision and told him to eat that which Peter considered unclean. Then Peter had trouble visiting Gentiles-until God showed him that too was OK (see Acts chapters 10 and 11). As our faith grows, so does our freedom in Christ. The 'rules' we were so worried about before, rules about eating and drinking and Sabbaths and clean and unclean and Christmas and Easter - all fade away (see Colossians 2:8-23). Yet there are some folk for whom those rules are still very important. To a new Christian in 45 AD eating a pork chop may have seemed like a terrible sin (if they were from a Jewish background) and serving them pork could have stumbled them in their obedience to God. In the end it is not pork that matters-but people. Blessings, John Edmiston (johned@aibi.ph) Trackbacks
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Think of the Jesus who said "Where are your accusers? Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more" Think of the Jesus who was well liked by the "sinners" and invited to parties and weddings. No one really like to party with a narrow minded person. I like to think the trouble with Churchianity is that christians who know it is sin to gossip, do gossip. Unfortunately, that is just the symptom of a more dire illness. It certainly isn't the spirit of sound mind that Christ has given us in place of timidity and fear. Why put more laws in addition to what's already there in God's Word?  ), Once I ge married, my single female friends are just going to have to understand that our close relationship must change. That would be out of respect to my wife and my marriage.Such a precious relationship must be protected y'know.
You mean grabbing a bite to eat and catching up is also a no-no with your female friends after you are married?
 I think, Marriage shouldn't signify imprisonment, but freedom.. Too many jokes and connotations that equate marriage to bondage.. (well some ppl do practice bondage .. with leather whips and all ;> ) However, it's the freedom that God wants to experience.. to love without inhibitation. Love sets us free.. because it is in it's essence Truth.. And the truth is, I and my wife are one.. and therefore we will protect our union. The union does not happen overnight, so we do have to put safeguards in our lives in order to 1. Build the trust 2. Build strong foundations 3. Guard the feelings of the other It just takes time.. ~Ugh, being a hugger I have experienced this too many times. That's a good article and yours is a good post. I think self-sacrifice is something we as Christians haven't practiced to a very high degree. There are a lot of things that I know aren't sin in themselves but I choose to either not do, or to be extremely careful of the company in which I do. I think that I really started being able to live this way when it finally sunk into my thick skull that life isn't about me or my right to anything. I'm a slave, owned by a Master, and my Master has already rewarded me. Now it's somebody else's turn, and I just have to think about people who give up their lives for Christ in obedience to Scripture and how they are blessed by Him to be duly convicted about my walk. ([url=http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2017:30-33;&version=31;]Luke 17:30-33[/url]) Many people see them as "rules", but they are more gratitude and love for God and others than rules. I think ppl take the 'stumbling' issue so far that faith in christ becomes a religion. For example, drinking is stumbling to some - so don't drink, mini-skirt is stumbling to some - so don't wear, pork eating.... and if you think about it the list goes on forever. Heck, do you buy insurance? they buy tobacco stocks. some ppl stumbles on that - hence don't buy insurance! do you watch mtv? some ppl stumbles on that don't watch. but if you see things on the flip sight. what is paul saying... he's telling the ppl who has an issue with "these stumbling things" to leave them alone and let the do-er interact directly with god. but such is not the case in malaysia, or at least the way i see it. We promote religiousity. We do. We say, just IN CASE, it stumbles, maybe you shouldn't be drinking in public because you serve in church and ppl may see you and then say #@$%$#^%^... just IN CASE many things. so the person stop the drinking, the person who 'complains' (for the lack of a better word) thinks its REALLY wrong to drink! and the cycle continues. hey... paul says if ONE is stumbled don't do it. don't undo the work of christ. the emphasis is on the WORK of christ. what is the work of christ? circumcision? law? rules to follow? or freedom in christ? righteousness thru faith? redeemed by grace? everything is permissble (but not everything is beneficial). everything IS permissable. But may not be beneficial. Insurance is a good thing... but it reduces your monthly cash flow. drugs are bad but in ancient times it's used to save lives and it's used in hospital today. having a car is great but if we drive recklessly, we have a 1 ton bullet. Hence, We should be telling everyone about the WORK of christ - the freedom that we have gain ie. all food can eat, including those to idols (don't believe me? go read cor), can drink alcohol...etc don't undo the work of christ and go back to the law, else he would have died in vain. You mean grabbing a bite to eat and catching up is also a no-no with your female friends after you are married?"~Wellll... I probably wouldn't go without a third party unless my wife knew ahead of time and it was in a very public place. I wouldn't marry someone who is very insecure, but I would want to protect her from the whispering magpies, y'know? "Oh, I saw Mark there with some woman. What's up with that?" I'm not saying everybody has to be this way, but with people being people, I'm definitely going that route. As far as my wife, I remember my best friend in high school (a girl) gradually ending our relationship after she moved in with her boyfriend, and even then with my limited understanding of relationships I actually respected her even more for doing so. Boyfriend/girlfriend though, is a different animal. You don't want to change yourself too much for someone you don't have the serious committment with, but you also want to see the kind of behavior that you wanna live with forever. I see people turn their lives upside-down for someone they are dating, then break up. Upside-down only comes with aring.
Hehe, two friends of mine faced the problems you mentioned about the whispering magpies, Mark. The wife is totally ok with her hubby's gal pals but the magpies kept bugging her to tell him to cut back on his platonic friendships. Of course it's easier to change our behavior to appease those magpies instead of setting about the change the busybodies. But I so wish that these magpies would really get a life of their own. Magpies.. ahhaha.. reminds me of an instance in my life when we called my brother's ex and her sister Magpies.. (one of the sister's name was Magdalene).. They couldn't leave an issue alone.. making irritating chatter like magpies do .. hahah being the more upfront kinda person, I'd sometimes tell the magpies off. Asking them really direct questions like, what's with you? do you have a problem? what is your problem? why? how does it concern you? and if you're concern, why didn't you speak to me first? did you check the validity of your opinion? you didn't? why didn't you check? food can simply eat but words cannot simply say, okay! sometimes, they just don't know how hurtful their words can be, and i think it's right to confront these gossip mongers on such issues. Although usually well-intentioned, "Pray for so-and-so because..." can easily spread information that ain't supposed to be public. It's even good to guard how we ask for prayer for ourselves so that we don't give the priviledge of intimacy to someone who may not be trustworthy with it. Those Magpies are everywhere! Once in a while, if I look carefully, I see one in my mirror. (No [b]too[/b] often!) Reminds me of my colleagues - a married man and a single lady (in courtship). They were very close due to constant working late and dinning together. Soon I heard rumours that something is happening between them. To find out for myself, I started joining them when I worked late and soon I found out that they were just friends - friends that enjoyed each other's company. However, the guy started taking precaution by putting her calls on speaker, bringing another man along when she called him for dinners (obviously she is extrovert who does not think much of her actions)... Shortly rumours stopped and they are still good friends with each other Personally I think there is always a win-win situation if both parties are not selfish to look for benefit in another party. And one of the two will have to initiate to put in boundaries to preserve their friendship and to avoid stumbling others or to get him/herself into trouble (imagine the spouse came crying with a broom to the office). By the way, the male colleague is not even a Christian! ...but a wise man. Add Comment
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