I'll Have a Draft ...

Talking with a friend who's doing an emotional spring cleaning exercise reminded me of the spring cleanings I've done in the past.

I call it the Inbox and Outbox of close friendships.

The ones who matter, whom I don't find it hurtful to relate to goes to the Inbox.

The ones who matter but whom either party finds it difficult and painful to maintain communications with goes to the Outbox. You don't talk or hang out with people in the Outbox.

It should be so easy to neatly categorise peeps into these boxes and move on. But it's not.

I find that as I go further along this journey called Life, the need for an Outbox is diminished. Perhaps an Outbox was necessary when I was too frazzled to handle those hurtful friendships that I had to cut myself completely from them. I remembered feeling very puzzled at a gal pal's reaction to what a thoughtless person did to her.

I recalled advising her to just cut the cad off her life, seeing how hurt she was. She did not sever the friendship but kept the communications lines open. They weren't as close friends as before but at least, they are still in communicado. The friend is still in her Inbox. In fact, I don't think she has an Outbox at all.

And now, I can understand the wisdom and maturity behind her actions. You see, the people I stored in the Outbox weren't really flushed out of my life at all. Rather, they become the 'Unfinished business' of my life.

This is regardless of how the friendship ended.

For one friend, we are in each others' Outboxes. Then at different points of our lives, we proferred olive branches to keep the friendship alive. None of us took it for some reason. We moved on. But everytime we bump into each other, there was a sense of awkwardness, so thick that you can slice it with a knife. This wouldn't have happened if we are still in each others' Inboxes.

Another friend made an impact in my life but since he found it difficult to just be platonic friends, he decided to cut himself off my life completely. To this day, I miss him immensely. I wished he didn't place me in his Outbox. Because now, he's in my Outbox not by choice, but by default.

I believe that instead of an Outbox, we should have a Drafts folder. A temporary respite from a hurtful relationship to give both parties the space to think, recuperate and give the friendship another go. But when the friendship is in the Outbox for far too long, every hope and every motivation to keep it alive diminishes with each passing day. You may think you have moved on, but a dream or an event will trigger memories of that friend. And you realised how you'd wish they are still a part of your life. No matter how small a part, you would still treasure them as they are.

Life is too short to shoot friends off the face of the earth.

I'll have a Draft please. Oh, and an Innie, too

Where have all my mates gone to?? Oh, I forgot - they are in my Outbox. Duh...

Photo credits: Pongo